Charlie Sheen's MSN Chats
Chat 1
(15:57:27) hockey_chick: hoo is this
(15:58:13) CharlieSheen: It's Charlie Sheen, star of such films as Navy Seals and Wall Street. Do I know you..? Are you a friend of Cairney..?
(15:58:39) hockey_chick: im just a kid
(15:59:00) CharlieSheen: why did you add Charlie Sheen to your buddies list then?
(15:59:20) hockey_chick: i didnt no that it is really u
(15:59:33) CharlieSheen: Listen Kid, you a fan?
(15:59:40) hockey_chick: yes
(16:00:26) CharlieSheen: What you think of 2 and a half men? Enough sex jokes in there? I keep telling the studio we need more girls in it...
(16:01:14) hockey_chick: i havent seen it yet
(16:01:31) hockey_chick: im shaking in happiness
(16:03:21) CharlieSheen: well best try catch it soon, they're killing my contract at the end of the season, they didn't take well to the hookers and the coke they found in my trailer... I fucking hate the 2000s, didn't have these problems in the 80s, it's all politics now
(16:03:47) hockey_chick: O
(16:04:09) CharlieSheen: yeh, stay away from holywood kid - it's not what it used it be, that's for sure...
(16:04:16) CharlieSheen: You like Navy Seals?
(16:04:23) hockey_chick: ya
(16:04:52) hockey_chick: i love scary movie 3
(16:05:32) CharlieSheen: I just got the second draft to the sequel, they're sending Michael Biehn and me into Iraq, we're looking for stinger missiles and we raise hell while doing it.
(16:05:54) hockey_chick: is that bad?
(16:06:08) CharlieSheen: I can't remember much about scary movie, i was pretty blasted at the premier and haven't made it all the way through since...
(16:07:05) CharlieSheen: no, kid - raising hell is what you say when you're an A list celebrity and you're going to kick some Iraqi ass. It's all good.
(16:07:37) hockey_chick: thats good
(16:08:04) hockey_chick: ya wanna play minesweeper flags?
(16:08:09) CharlieSheen: Fuckin' A it's good!
(16:09:05) hockey_chick: my mom is a big fan too!!
(16:10:30) CharlieSheen: Fuck no. Look kid, I gotta jet, I was meant to meet up with Rob Lowe and James Spader a half hour ago, Spader got some bolivian girl to bring some yayo into the county inside her kids pram or soemthing. I don't know, but I gotta bail. Good to get some feeback from the little people.
(16:11:21) hockey_chick: YOU ROCK CHARLIE AND ILL NEVER FORGET YOU!!!!!!!
(16:11:40) hockey_chick: will you be on later?
(16:12:48) CharlieSheen: thanks kid, i wish I could say the same about you - but Spader promises me I won't remember my own name after this weekend. I don't think I'll be back kid.
(16:13:10) hockey_chick: u mean ur gonna die
(16:14:23) CharlieSheen: I do party pretty hard, but I'm not a quitter. Anyways - later kid, buy the special edition of Navy Seals DVD when it comes out, going to be some good extra shit on there.
(16:14:56) hockey_chick: ok BYE BYE CHARLIE!!
(16:15:40) hockey_chick: it was nice to talk to a star!! its been my dream ever since i saw you !!
(16:16:40) hockey_chick: did you like talkin to me?
(16:17:13) hockey_chick: u there
(16:18:39) hockey_chick: awwe well if u get this message i like u alot and u rock my world!!!!!
Chat 2
(02:24:23) hockey_chick: hi
(02:24:44) CharlieSheen: Who is this?
(02:25:00) hockey_chick: its "kid"
(02:25:39) CharlieSheen: Wait... Do I know you?
(02:26:01) hockey_chick: u havent seen me if thats wut u meen
(02:27:52) CharlieSheen: My weekend was rough one, my buddie Spader scored a lot of good yayo but shit hit the fan pretty quick. Rob Lowe pulled a gun on some old homeless guy and made him suck it for $5.
(02:28:28) CharlieSheen: You should have seen it - it was fucking hysterical. Then the gun went off and now we all have to lay low awhile until we can clear up a few thing...
(02:29:01) CharlieSheen: Don't worry though kid, I'm fine.
(02:29:23) hockey_chick: how do u make a feel at home but isnt gonna be at home
(02:30:10) CharlieSheen: What the fuck does that mean? Talk in English. Are you Canadian? Mexican...?
(02:30:46) hockey_chick: im Canadian
(02:31:08) hockey_chick: r u
(02:31:16) CharlieSheen: You're not French Canadian are you..?
(02:31:21) hockey_chick: no
(02:32:04) CharlieSheen: Just as well, for your sake... I'm a full blooded American, kid - don't let anyone ever tell you differently.
(02:33:49) CharlieSheen: Oh I see, Hockey_chick, Canadian. I get it, you guys don't have Baseball up there I guess you got Hockey.
(02:34:43) CharlieSheen: Look kid, what's your favourite of my movies?
(02:35:16) hockey_chick: scary movie 3 and navy seals
(02:35:26) hockey_chick: hot shots
(02:35:29) hockey_chick: to
(02:36:48) CharlieSheen: Oh yeh, Navy Seals was my favourite too. You know that scene when I've got the gun and I'm pointing it at the mirror and then I point it at Michael Biehn and I just say "I'm so jacked up"?
(02:38:52) hockey_chick: im bored
hockey_chick attemts to send Charlie a file names 'taz'
(02:39:40) hockey_chick: want it
(02:39:50) CharlieSheen: Look kid, I'm not messing about here. I was going to tell you about Navy Seals, but screw it.
(02:40:01) CharlieSheen: What the fuck is this? What are you sending me?
(02:40:10) hockey_chick: taz
(02:40:27) CharlieSheen: what the fuck's a taz?
(02:40:35) hockey_chick: nvm
(02:40:50) hockey_chick: never mind
(02:41:15) hockey_chick: so
The file Charlie received
(02:41:30) CharlieSheen: Wait, how old are you kid?
(02:41:34) hockey_chick: 10
(02:42:24) CharlieSheen: 10? Christ kid! I thought you were like 17, you kow what happend to my buddy Rob after he was caught with 2 14 year olds?
(02:43:48) hockey_chick: no qwat
(02:44:03) hockey_chick: what*
(02:45:44) CharlieSheen: He couldn't get a job in hollywood for 10 years, he wound up doing bit parts in Mike Myers films until he got so pathetics that my Dad said he could star in the West Wings for a bit as long as he'd stop turing up at his house and asking for change. It was rough having to see him in Waynes World and those Austin Powers movies...
(02:46:21) hockey_chick: o
(02:46:25) hockey_chick: ic
(02:48:22) CharlieSheen: Look kid, keep me on the down-low. If I wind up having to star in the next Austin Powers movie, "Austin Goes To The 80s" I'll not be pleased.
(02:48:33) CharlieSheen: Look kid, you're alright. But I need your advice
(02:48:41) hockey_chick: ok shoot
(02:51:04) CharlieSheen: Ok kid, I will. They're working on the script to the new Navy Seals film and they want my input, but I don't know what kids today want to see in a film. I thought the first one was perfect, but the studio isn't into my idea of just remaking the first one and setting it in Iraq. What would you like to see happen? You're the damn audience after all
(02:52:39) hockey_chick: i think ur idea is pretty good. i think thats wat kids like now days... after all i am a kid
(02:53:41) hockey_chick: but hey i g2g ill be on later.... maybe
(02:53:47) hockey_chick: bye!!!
Chat 3
(21:32:59) hockey_chick_10: hi
(21:34:33) CharlieSheen: That you Lowe? Some pigs were round here earlier asking about you again, and they weren't so polite this time...
(21:35:43) hockey_chick: Umm, I'm "kid". You asked me about the new Navy Seals.
(21:37:09) CharlieSheen: Oh yeh, sure, I remember... Thought you were someone else. Anyways kid, you wanted to know about Navy Seals 2 right? Well the studio is hounding me for ideas and I've got a few other little problems I'm trying to make go away right now if you catch my drift.
(21:37:35) hockey_chick: Ok
(21:38:54) CharlieSheen: Listen kid, I need your input. People still listened to prog rock when I was your age, so I'm a bit out of touch here. What would you like to see happen in the new Navy Seals?
(21:40:43) hockey_chick: Well, even though I'm a girl, I'd like to see more blood. ( belive it or not) :D:P
(21:41:06) hockey_chick: Not alot more blood, just a little
(21:41:48) CharlieSheen: What about if I accidently shot up Michael Biehn, would kids be down with that? I know I would...
(21:42:18) hockey_chick: Lol yeah, that be awsome!!! Lol
(21:43:12) CharlieSheen: You've seen Navy Seals, right kid? Who was the better Seal, me or Beihn?
(21:43:49) hockey_chick: You because I'm a HUGE fan. :D
(21:44:43) CharlieSheen: That's right! I was better, a hell of a lot better. Did I get my leg all shot up? No. Because I was a professional, but can you fucking beleive this? http://www.michaelbiehnfanclub.com/news_seals.asp The Navy Seals made Beihn an honourary Frogman.
(21:46:45) hockey_chick.com: Huh. I thought you were a way better Seal than Beihn.
(21:48:34) CharlieSheen: That's right Kid, I am. I called up the Seals and asked them where the hell my plaque was and they didn't get back to me, even though they said they would... So I drank a bottle of Scotch and called again and you know what happened? I wake up the next evening and find some punk has written "Go Sox" on my new Jag.
(21:49:24) hockey_chick: Ooo. That must have pissed you right off.
(21:52:43) CharlieSheen: Yeh it really did. I fucking hate the Sox and I really hate people from Boston. I think it was some SEALS who did it anyways, but at the time I thought it might have been that bitch Andrew McCarthy, so I went round to his house and did a number on his wifes car - I was too drunk to find his. I really hate that guy. You ever see that Movie Pretty In Pink?
(21:54:21) hockey_chick: No but I'v heard of it
(21:55:33) CharlieSheen: Take it from Charlie, the film sucks and McCarthy's days are numbered.
(21:56:09) CharlieSheen: Hey - what other Actors you like appart from me? I need to come up with some people who could be in Navy Seals 2 with me.
(21:56:58) hockey_chick: Umm I'm not putting you down but I like Mel Gibson too.
(21:59:13) CharlieSheen: That nut-job? He's a 2-bit bum and he owes me money. I heard he's making a movie about Jews or something now anyways, he's too old anyways and I heard he has to wear a wig now and has a fake hip. It's been awhile since I've seen him on the strip anyways...
(22:00:11) hockey_chick: Ok. You're really Charlie Sheen right?
(22:01:15) hockey_chick: cuz if u arent i dont care i mean we have alot in commin
(22:03:30) hockey_chick: ur really cool. its nice too talk to sum 1 that im a HUGE fan of:D:P:)(H):$
(22:03:39) hockey_chick: :$
(22:04:05) hockey_chick: now i feel kinda:$
(22:05:05) CharlieSheen: Listen kid, you're not making sense.
(22:05:51) hockey_chick: u r the real Charlie Sheen rite?
(22:06:41) CharlieSheen: Who else would know about me trashing McCarthy's wife's porche?
(22:07:01) hockey_chick: lol u really did that?
(22:07:11) hockey_chick: oh man thats funny
(22:07:19) hockey_chick: :D
(22:08:07) hockey_chick: i have a few questions. can u answer them?
(22:09:11) CharlieSheen: Sure kid, shoot.
(22:09:39) hockey_chick: did u like being in Scary Movie 3?
(22:11:48) CharlieSheen: Oh kid, my wife dragged me along to that one - she was worried I was spending too much time gambling on Mexican baseball games. I guess it was OK fun, i was pretty blasted for a lot of it - you can probably tell, but I think they tried to use computers to make my eyes look less shot... I also met that old Canandian guy from the Naked Gun films. He can still party - don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
(22:12:39) hockey_chick: ya i own that movie thats y i asked
(22:14:26) CharlieSheen: How does it end? I never made it all the way through, last time Denise had a bit too much wine and kept screaming at me "Do you wanna be my valentine?!" So I took off for the night with Spader and some Columbian guys he knows. Dumb bitch...
(22:14:55) CharlieSheen: If she does that again she'll be sorry...
(22:16:10) hockey_chick: lol the evil little gil comes out of the well and ur "movie brother" maried Cindy and you became a minister
(22:17:38) CharlieSheen: My brother? Emilio wasn't in the movie was he? Shit, I must have been blasted... He better not tell dad again...
(22:18:34) hockey_chick: no it wasnt ur real bro
(22:18:42) hockey_chick: i think
(22:19:13) CharlieSheen: It better not have been... Wait, what did this brother of mine look like..? It wasn't the guy from the Mighty Ducks films was it..?
(22:19:23) hockey_chick: no
(22:20:09) hockey_chick: im watchin the movie rite now
(22:22:33) CharlieSheen: Oh I remember who you're taling about. Yeh, he's not my brother, thankfully. I've already got one deadbeat NARC for a brother, I don't need another. I think that guy owes me money as well thinking about it...
(22:23:05) hockey_chick: ok next question
(22:24:08) CharlieSheen: Go for it kid, It'll be awbile until Lowe or Spader are able to come out from hiding, I've got some time to kill.
(22:25:10) hockey_chick: in scary movie 3 did that MJ freak, did he really gab ur balls?
(22:28:05) CharlieSheen: Yeh kid, he did, the two bit faggot. So you know what I did?
(22:28:24) hockey_chick: wut?:D
(22:28:39) hockey_chick: u grab his?
(22:31:58) CharlieSheen: Fuck no! I'm no queer! I drank a bottle of scotch during our break for lunch then trashed his car. It was some Volvo or something shit like that, still - served him right. By the time anyone noticed what had happend to his car I'd passed out in my trailer, so i was off the hook. He still thinks Pam Anderson did it. She does things like that a lot...
(22:33:05) hockey_chick: yeh she wears to much f*ckin make up
(22:33:39) hockey_chick: have u seen her without ugh she looks UGLY!!
(22:34:07) CharlieSheen: Believe me kid, she needs to... Without it she looks worse than McCarthy's girl...
(22:34:24) hockey_chick: lol
(22:34:28) hockey_chick: i no
(22:34:38) hockey_chick: brb
(22:36:03) CharlieSheen: I don't know what the means kid, and quite frankly I don't want to know.
(22:36:36) hockey_chick: be rite back thats wut it means
(22:36:46) hockey_chick: and im back
(22:36:57) CharlieSheen: Whatever kid.
(22:37:08) hockey_chick: next question
(22:37:44) CharlieSheen: Sure, why not, I've got a vodka ready.
(22:38:02) CharlieSheen: give me a sec to cut a line.
(22:38:06) hockey_chick: k
(22:39:43) CharlieSheen: Fuck me, I'm so jacked up. Spader really came through this time. Anyway kid, go ahead - take your best shot.
(22:40:31) CharlieSheen: I can't feel my face.
(22:40:32) hockey_chick: what would be a dream come true for you
(22:40:36) hockey_chick: lol y
(22:42:12) CharlieSheen: If denise would lose a few pounds and keep her damn oppinions to herself. She knew I was a drinker and a shooter when I married her, so fucking deal with it.
(22:43:09) CharlieSheen: I also wish Spader would hook me up with whoever he got this shit from, I feel like to could punch a hole through a brick wall right now.
(22:43:54) hockey_chick: next
(22:44:36) hockey_chick: so u do drug ( no biggie if u do. just me being curios)
(22:45:08) hockey_chick: do u do drugs is wut i meant
(22:46:42) CharlieSheen: No shit kid. I'm Hollwood royalty - that gives me liscence to party.
(22:47:07) hockey_chick: o so u do
(22:47:12) hockey_chick: ic
(22:48:13) CharlieSheen: Wait kid, no - no I just say no to drugs. Don't worry about me, just say no like uncle Charlie.
(22:48:41) CharlieSheen: Drugs are for quitters, bums and the unemployed.
(22:49:00) CharlieSheen: Do I look like a quitter to you? Fuck no, kid.
(22:49:44) hockey_chick: ya i no sum 1 that does drugs she a bitch most of the
(22:49:51) hockey_chick: time
(22:50:55) CharlieSheen: Yeh kid, don't worry about about it - girls are bitches.
(22:51:07) hockey_chick: i am?
(22:52:07) CharlieSheen: Huh? No kid, I was agreeing with you. Shit, look - nevermind. Rock and Roll is what I meant to say - just watch your back. Shit, my nose is bleeding. Damn rusty pipes.
(22:52:58) CharlieSheen: Oh fuck, and those pigs are back asking about Lowe and that homeless guy - I gotta bail. Later kid, just say no.
(22:53:26) hockey_chick: ok bye!!!!
(22:53:44) hockey_chick: ill ask more questions later
(22:53:47) hockey_chick: bye